Tuesday, October 9, 2007

I just don't know...

What is going on with me. I don't want to do anything! This depression funk is still with me and really really really getting the best of me. I am mean to everyone, myself included. I broke down and finally made an appointment with a doctor today. It just really scares me because of how I grew up. I don't want for my children to see me the way that I saw my mom. I have always considered myself a strong person, but right now I know that I am really weak and I am not having any luck getting stronger. I can usually pull myself right out of this, but it isn't working this time. But I know that I need to do something, or I am going to lose a lot of people that I love and care deeply about.

Well it is close to time for the kids to come home. I need to finish a scrapbook layout for a class that I am teaching tonight. We are doing heritage layouts.

Hopefully I can get in to see the dr. soon. Their office is supposed to call me with an appointment. I hate feeling like this.....Lord I need your help...

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Life...slapping you in the face...

Wow, I didn't realize it had been so long since I posted. Life seems to be slapping me in the face and trying to wake me up. The past couple of days have been very emotional and depressing for me for some reason. I think that it was our Heavenly Father telling me what I was missing in my life. Him! So, I am going to start going back to church! I know that it is what I need to be doing and it just feels so right. Last night I grabbed my scriptures from the top of my closet, blew the dust off and started randomly picking verses to read. I marked every single one of them! It is kind of ironic that every scripture that I turned to in the Bible and the Book of Mormon was on Faith. That is what I need right now. Someone posted on a group that I am on this morning about doing the things that she WANTS to do for her family instead of feeling like she has to do them. That is what I am going to start doing. Doing things for my family because I want to, not because I have to. I want to be less critical of them. I want to be less demanding. I want to be less ANGRY at everything they do. I WANT TO LOVE THEM! And starting today they will see that. I want for them to know how much I love them and appreciate them and what they do. I want for Wayne to know how much I love him and support him. He is doing so much for our family with going to school full-time and working full-time and trying to study and spend time with us. I honestly didn't know how he did it, until this morning that is. It is because he WANTS to do it for US!

My prayer for today is for Heavenly Father to guide me and to help me in my shortcomings to become a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. With His guidance and my faith, and the faith that He has in me, I can do anything.